The Health Risks of Second Hand Marriage

Everyday someone dies from marriage. Gazillions of dollars goes into research each year as they look for answers to fight this killer, yet more and more are dying. I feel for those who are married. Knowing any second they could just drop dead in a horrific manner. But what about us? The single people who are surrounded by married people. Those, like me, who suffer from second hand marriage.

We are the nameless victims. The friends who have to listen to all their married problems. The weeks of no sex, how they are unappreciated for their hard work, how the toilet seat is left in that position for a reason. These and many other gripes we are subjected to hear about on a daily basis. Causing us to feel as if we were married ourselves. So much pain due to our friendship to those in a matrimonial contract.

It’s been several years since I quit marriage and it’s taken all that time to get myself back to a healthy stature. But as I listen to my friend Bob tell me about the baby shower he’s forced to attend this weekend instead of going to the bbq at Jim’s house, I begin to cough uncontrollably. Bob might as well be sticking a knife in my chest.

So for those of you who are married, those who have forsaken their own health by getting married… please think of us as you’re whining about your spouse or telling us about the life you COULD have had.

You’re killing use with, one baby picture at a time.