December 7, 2010
With all its greatness it is possible bacon would be the 5th Earthly element. There is nothing on this great planet that a slice of salty pig can’t make better, and that statement goes beyond food. Bacon can be used for many items you might not have thought of. Here are a few we’ve found. Now we’re aware that not all these items are made of REAL bacon but like God created us in his image, these items where created in the God-like image of Bacon.
10. The Bacon Bra – What’s the worst part of eating a big breakfast, finishing off the bacon and being left with hash browns and a few egg fragments to sift through. Imagine if after eating your bacon, there was something just as fun left over?
9. The Bacon Cell Phone Cover – You need to protect your phone, but what if you could surround it in swine goodness? In addition if you talk too long and your phone gets hot… listen for the sizzle and get out some bread!
8. The Bacon Assault Rifle – The only problem with have with this is it might infringe on our right to bear bacon. This we feel is our constitutional right!
7. The Bacon Watch – It’s always time for bacon, nothing helps to promote that than the bacon watch. (Warning – may cause you to eat wrists)
6. The Bacon Wallet – Unless you own a farm you need money to buy bacon, but what do you store your money in? Bacon… then use that money to buy more bacon. It’s the circle of life.
5. The Bacon Nike – Puts a real sizzle in your stride. Incredible concept but was banned due the explained death of hundreds of joggers by stray dogs.
4. The Bacon Suit – You’re a distinguished group, you have style and ease. How do you show it? A suit made entirely of bacon. You’ll impress others and never go hungry (Warning – may cause cannibalism.)
3. Bacon Hitler – Considered to be a far less threatening Hitler yet still hated by the Jews. Mostly due to the pork he wears on his head. All in all he’s a fairly nice guy.
2. The Bacon Suitcase – One of the greatest storage items ever created. You’d be surprised to know this but most people use it to carry more bacon.
1. Bacon Heaven – If Heaven really is like this, can you kill us now with the bacon gun so we can start building our bacon houses and find our heavenly bacon wives?
I originally wrote this for Comedy.com many many moons ago
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